What’s important to you? What matters in your life? An outcome? Or how you achieved it?

If we pin everything on 1 specific or narrow goal, that’s much easier to miss. AND can leave us feeling like we failed.

While ignoring or not acknowledging all the effort we put in & how hard we tried.

Effect on mood? Drops like a stone.

Effect on motivation? “What’s the point in trying?” Left feeling? Like crap.

Instead, try working on broadening your gaze.

Step back.

Look at your improvements, your progress, your LEARNING.

If your values are about being a better person, friend, worker, parent, or healthier / fitter / stronger, mentally &/ physically, then even on the days the outcome falls short of what you hoped for, all your hard work won’t be undone by narrow, toxic thinking.

Successes come and go.

Values stay with you forever.

When you make a mistake, or have a ‘slip’ on your health/food/study plan, or get something wrong – how do you react?

• Do you berate yourself? “Typical me… Can’t do anything right..”
• Or do you feel hopeless & think “I knew there was no point trying, I’m so useless….”
• Or do you look at others & think “No-one else does this, I’m the only one as bad as this…”

These thoughts then kick off a negative loop of guilt – & all the other emotions associated with it- anger, gloom & doom, shame… So! Sound good? Sound helpful?! No? Then let’s change this loop by thinking differently about mistakes/errors of judgment..

1. Mistakes are how we learn. If we never made them, we’d never improve at anything.
2. We’re human. So we never get everything right all the time, slips / setbacks help us appreciate the successes when they come – cos we’ve EARNED them. Remember- the easy stuff is easy!!
3. Sometimes we need a break. From the pressure we all find ourselves under these days – whether at work, college, SM, society, family… we want off the hamster wheel!! So we break the plan, ‘treat’ ourselves, don’t care for a while..

THESE ARE ALL OK – For a LITTLE break, a recharge, a re-set.

The KEY to not letting breaks become disasters is ENJOY them, understand why, then stop, & get back on plan – without looking back with regret.

Enjoy.

Understand.

Move On.

We can often get very caught up in how other people see us, or how they react to us. We see their response to us as an indication of how WE are, rather than an opinion that THEY have (which may, or may not, be true.)  If you use other people’s moods, opinions, actions or behaviours to determine how you see yourself, and subsequently feel, then you’ve an exhausting journey ahead of you! Why?

1. We can’t control others, only ourselves.
2. How others think, act, behave, is a reflection on THEM, not us.
3. Self Esteem & Self Confidence are about…..? Others? The clue is in the wording – it’s about SELF. How we regard, treat, talk to, ourselves plays a huge role in how we see ourselves. A million people can tell you you’re great / look well / doing well, but that won’t matter if YOU don’t feel / see / believe it. Looking outside yourself, to feel good about yourself, is called ‘External Validation”. It can work at times but often will leave you feeling uncertain & anxious – cos let’s face it, any external factor can change at any time. Head-wrecking.

Feeling good about yourself because YOU decided you’re good enough, a decent person, doing your very best, is called ‘Internal Validation’ & is key to esteem & confidence. (And VERY unIrish!)

Try it.

Try being in your own corner.

Try giving yourself a pat on the back when you do good.

Be your own #1 supporter (warts n all – not perfection remember!) & see how it feels 😊

“Where’s the EVIDENCE?” is a simple, but brilliant question, when dealing with #Anxiety. Typical thoughts that

“What if I fail again….?”

“I’ll never change…”

“They’ll think I’m stupid….”

If you can find 3 facts that prove your thought (I mean Judge Judy would buy them!) then the thought is probably true, & you might need to look at changing behaviour (study more, learn how to change, keep away from horrible people)

But if all you’re coming up with is fears, predictions, memories, THESE ARE NOT FACTS! & you need to look at changing your thinking.

Remember- it’s not the event, it’s how you re-act to it that matters.

It’s not the situation, it’s your perspective, that dictates how you feel

Make your thoughts PROVE that they’re true.

Demand rock solid EVIDENCE.

Use this worksheet to help work through a ‘hard to dispute’ thought..

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk//docs/TheCourtCase.pdf

JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK IT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S TRUE.